So Much More
by Sara Jaye
Summary: She had always been proud to be her father's daughter, but now her father was a murderer. Written for hezul as part of the fe exchange on LJ.


_Mirror mirror where's the crystal palace _  
_But I only can see myself _  
_Skating around the truth who I am _  
_But I know dad the ice is getting thin  
_-Tori Amos, "Winter"

-x-

_You must learn to stand up for yourself, for I won't always be around._

The first and only time he'd ever said that to her, she was eight years old. Blume had teased her, she'd run crying to her father, he'd held her and comforted her before telling her those important words.

"_You are descended from the crusader Tordo. You must speak your mind, never let other people walk all over you_," he'd told her.

The next time Blume made fun of her, she'd given him a shock that left him wincing in pain and twitching for a good ten minutes afterwards, and Daddy had scolded her. But he'd smiled, so she knew he wasn't really mad at her. _You told me to stand up for myself, Daddy, remember? You told me not to let anyone walk all over me._

Tiltyu glanced out the window and for a moment she saw them, father and daughter walking hand in hand through the first snows of winter.

"Daddy..."

She blinked, rubbed her eyes and the memory melted, leaving only miles of harsh white snow to fill her vision. Tears blurred her vision, and she looked away.

What was she doing here? She'd followed Father Claude because she was bored and fancied herself in love with him, but lately all she could think about was how her once gentle and wise father had become a power-hungry murderer. Finding out what he'd done to Lord Byron was bad enough, but when she discovered he'd been the one to murder the king of Isaac, it was just too much. She remembered how she'd run down the hall in tears that day, having accidentally overheard Father Claude talking to Sir Sigurd.

She knew he'd always been jealous of Lord Byron and his close relationship to Prince Kurth, but the idea that jealousy had led him to commit regicide...Tiltyu's stomach clenched, just the thought made her want to be sick. The man who rocked her on his lap and taught her to cast her first Thunder spell and called her his little spark of light had murdered the prince just to tarnish one man's reputation.

_My father murdered the prince_. No matter how many times she thought those words, she could still hardly believe them. _Daddy, how could you?_ The tears spilled over and she made no effort to stop them; she was dimly aware of footsteps approaching, probably Sir Sigurd or Lady Edain or one of Silesia's knights.

"Tiltyu?"

She froze. _Azel_. Of course he'd be here, it was just like him to worry needlessly over a person just because they ran crying down the hall a few moments ago, she thought.

"You'd think someone who's known me all my life would remember that I like to be _alone_ when I'm upset," she muttered.

"Just because you like to be alone doesn't mean you should be," Azel said. Tiltyu rolled her eyes.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, Bratzel." She waited for him to complain about her calling him that, but he didn't say a word, only knelt by her side at the window and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Just talk to me. Please?"

Tiltyu sighed. Azel was hardly the forceful type, but when he put his mind to something he wasn't one to back down easily. And if _someone_ had to bother her when she was upset, at least it was someone she'd always felt comfortable with.

"How can I ever go home again knowing what my father did? What about my sister, she's just a child and I'm not there to protect her from this...does she even understand what this means for House Freege?" She sniffled. "Our good name's been ruined. Daddy was such a well-respected prime minister, and now, no matter what happens..." Her voice broke. "How can I face everyone now, knowing that every time they see me they'll see the daughter of a murderer?"

She threw herself against his shoulder, sobbing angrily, and he said nothing, only wrapped his arm around her and let her cry. When she was sure all of her tears were spent, Azel let go of her and stood up, extending his hand.

"Come with me."

"What?"

"Outside. We'll go out the back way so no one sees us."

"But it's freezing out there!"

"Tiltyu, come on. I think you need some fresh air." She stood, reluctantly, and took his hand. Neither of them said a word as he led her through the back hallway of the castle; the guards at the back door only nodded as the pair made their way through.

Outside, they found themselves alone in a small clearing with only a few small trees and an occasional bird or fox as company. The cold stung Tiltyu's cheeks, and she brushed away the remainder of her tears so they wouldn't freeze.

"Azel, what are we doing here?" she asked, confusion momentarily subplanting her fears and hopelessness.

"I found this place when we first came here," he said. "It was one of the scariest days of my life...we'd been branded traitors, I hadn't heard from Alvis in a long time and was assuming the worst, that he _agreed _with them...and to top it off, Lady Edain and Midayle announced they were expecting a child." He laughed weakly. "The ultimate proof that my chance with her was dead and done."

"So you came out here to cry," Tiltyu said, smirking a little. "Well, that explains why you weren't at dinner that night. I knew something was fishy when Lex told us you didn't feel well from the cold!"

"Yeah." He smiled. "Anyway, when I stopped feeling sorry for myself I realized how beautiful and peaceful it was here. Not just this spot, but all of Silesia...us being forced to come here was almost a blessing in disguise."

"Easy for you to say," Tiltyu muttered. "You're not the one who-"

"Tiltyu." He took her hands. "Your father committed an unforgivable crime, and things may never be the same for House Freege. But you're so much more than the daughter of a conspirator."

"Maybe to _you,_ but everyone else acts funny when they're around me, even Lex."

"That doesn't mean they hate you or think less of you," Azel said. "Everyone likes you just fine, Tiltyu, or at least they've got nothing against you." He smiled. "Just be yourself, okay? Your spirit, your energy, your smile..._they're_ what make you you, and none of us would ever want you to lose that."

"Azel..."

"Especially your father." He wrapped an arm around her waist. "I remember my visits to Freege before the war started, and I've always known him to be a good man. I don't believe he did this all on his own, and I know that somewhere, there's the good part of him that wouldn't want you to give in to despair."

"...Azel, you-"

"I'm sorry, I know that was sappy of me, but I really believe it."

Tiltyu closed her eyes, blinking away fresh tears. It didn't matter what good part of her father still remained, or that he might not have done what he did on his own, the fact was he'd still done it. And Azel was right, things would never be the same for House Freege when or if this all blew over.

But he truly believed there was still hope left, even after all they'd been through. And knowing that made Tiltyu want to believe as well, made her want to cling to whatever shred of optimism they still had.

"I just want everything to be okay," Azel said. Tiltyu leaned against his shoulder and smiled a little.

"Then let's hope it will be."

They stood there in a comfortable silence, watching the snow fall and the occasional wild animal run through the drifts.

She would always be her father's daughter. But now more than ever, she needed to be more than that.


End file.
